Category: Pastoring

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Why Pastors and Their Wives Should Go On a Couples Retreat


I first published this article at The Focused Pastor, a ministry of Focus On The Family.

A few months before our 20th wedding anniversary, I was still trying to finalize what we would do to celebrate. Every anniversary is a reason to celebrate. But we try to get away together for at least the anniversaries that end with a “5” and a “0.” I had finally figured out a budget plan. I had someone willing to preach on the Sunday near our anniversary so we could be gone over a weekend. I had a childcare plan. We just needed to confirm the destination. As my wife and I discussed this, she told me that she wanted to go to a marriage retreat that several friends were going be attending the same weekend as our anniversary.

I wasn’t excited. We are in a busy season with five kids, and I wanted some uninterrupted time to reconnect with my wife. I wanted to have some fun together. As a pastor, I wasn’t sure that sitting in a conference room with hundreds of others, including many other pastors, was my idea of a 20th anniversary celebration. I even asked her if she thought our marriage was doing ok. She explained that she just thought it would be good for us and an encouraging time together while also seeing friends. I realized that my wife doesn’t ask for much, so I said yes and registered us. I’m so glad I did.

Three reasons to attend a couples retreat

1. To grow in your marriage together

I love studying the Bible and marriage enrichment books to help me with teaching and counseling. And I love writing about marriage. But I realized after my wife’s request that a lot of that is without her. She wanted to grow and learn also, and this was an opportunity to do so in our busy schedule. Attending a marriage retreat together means you are both thinking about marriage at the same time. This gives you discussion topics to help you grow and wins to celebrate together as you reflect on God’s grace in your marriage.

I also needed the humility to realize that I still have a lot to learn. I was encouraged, helped, rebuked, and challenged by the speakers and through discussions my wife and I had. Sometimes even as pastors we are afraid of what we might find out if we dig too deep into our own marriages. But until Heaven we are never finished growing as Christians. And we are never finished growing as husbands until Jesus returns or “death do us part.” Focused time thinking about your marriage and growing together may be just what you need. It can help you continue pressing into faithfulness and a deeper love for each other—one that better reflects the love Christ has for the church (Ephesians 5:25).

It may even be that the area of growth that God has for you is in having fun together! A job hazard for pastors is that we deal with so many serious issues with week in and week out. Getting away to focus on your spouse can bring some joy back into your marriage. My wife and I laughed, strolled a new (to us) downtown while holding hands, and enjoyed a slower pace, focusing on our relationship and not our kids.

2. To be an example to your church

What I didn’t expect when I announced to my church that my wife and I would be gone the following weekend as we attended a marriage retreat, was how excited they were that we were going. They were encouraged to see their pastor and his wife investing so intentionally in their marriage. Others in our church have gone to marriage retreats since. I didn’t realize that publicly sharing something my wife and I were doing to enrich our own marriage would have a domino effect, strengthening other marriages.

Remember that some people think that attending a marriage retreat (or even a marriage class) means you have serious problems. I will never forget the lady who told me they would not attend the marriage class we were holding during Sunday School. “We’re doing pretty good right now. Who knows what we would find if we dig too deep!”

A pastor and his wife attending a couples conference or retreat takes away any stigma that some still have toward marriage enrichment. We don’t want surface-deep oneness in the marriages in our church. We want living and breathing examples to the world, the church, and families that a marriage centered on Christ is rich, satisfying, and able to overcome any obstacles that come at it. You and your wife going on a marriage getaway might be the catalyst for transformation among couples in your church.

3. To see blind spots that you are missing

When I lived in the L.A. area, I would sometimes drive down the interstate and decide to pass a vehicle. But I would first do a quick “blind spot check,” looking over my shoulder. I lost count of how many times I missed a speedy car or motorcycle that was right in my blind spot just when I thought it was safe to change lanes. The reason your Driver’s Ed teacher drilled “blind spot checks” into you is because they keep you from crashing. They help you see what you couldn’t see otherwise.

One of the benefits of attending a couples retreat is that you will think about areas of your marriage that maybe you have not talked about for a long time or thought intentionally about recently. A marriage retreat is a “blind spot check” for your most important earthly relationship.

When was the last time that you and your wife had a good, deep discussion without defensiveness about areas of your marriage like communication, roles, responsibilities, forgiveness, financial decisions, sex, or leaving a legacy? The marriage retreat we attended opened up healthy dialogue in all of these areas. We left feeling closer to each other and more unified in our direction and goals in our marriage—more zeroed in on glorifying God with our marriage—because of these discussions that we sometimes don’t dive into in the midst of day-to-day life and responsibilities.

Conclusion

Pastor, no matter how long you have been married, you have blind spots. Let a marriage retreat create space for you to be poured into, so you can see and attend to those blind spots. Use a retreat to build a healthier marriage that the whole church can look up to.

If you are not convinced yet that you should go on a couples retreat, ask your wife what she thinks about going. It may be a way to bring back some unity in ministry together rather than you going to another pastor’s conference alone. It may bring some spark back into your marriage. You might even learn something new about each other.

My wife and I went to dinner before the first session of the couples conference we attended, and ordered calamari for our appetizer. I didn’t like the idea of fried squid, but I was sure I remembered that Melanie loved it from a dinner early in our marriage. Unbeknownst to me, Melanie thought I really wanted it since I do enjoy exotic foods, so she went along with it. While we were eating our appetizer, we both commented that we didn’t really like the texture. Then we were shocked as we discovered that neither of us really wanted calamari but were trying to do what the other wanted! Apparently, we needed the communication workshop that weekend. Maybe you do too.

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Five Prayers Every Pastor Should Pray for His Church

I originally wrote this article for The Focused Pastor, a ministry of Focus on the Family.

The longer I serve in pastoral ministry, the more I see and experience the need for prayer. Just the other day, I was talking through an ongoing issue in our church culture with our Associate Pastor. We are already teaching about it on Sunday mornings and in small groups but have seen little change. But rather than continuing to strategize like I would have when I was younger, I finally shrugged and summarized, “I think we need to keep praying about this.”

It’s not that prayer is a last resort. Nor is it that we won’t continue to think deeply and consider if there’s a different angle we should come from as we lead the church toward growth in this area. It’s simply that I now realize there are some things that will never change without God changing hearts in response to prayer.

Pastoral prayer and the heart of God

Jesus taught this to the disciples, who were frustrated and baffled by a ministry situation. They had done all they could, but it just seemed they were at a dead end. They had a desperate father who needed ministry and a little boy who was extremely ill due to demonic oppression. But they also had religious leaders arguing with them (Mark 9:14). Jesus later explained to the disciples privately why their leadership was impotent: “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.” (Mark 9:29)

No matter what the challenges are in your church right now, remember what Jesus told that father: “All things are possible for one who believes.” (Mark 9:23) In prayer, we believe and ask God to help our unbelief (Mark 9:24). Here are five things that will only happen in your church by prayer.

1. Pray for the lost to be saved

“Salvation belongs to the LORD.” (Jonah 2:9) The miracle of salvation is one of the things about ministry that brings us the greatest joy. Yet for most pastors, there are seasons of prayerlessness for the lost. Jesus came “to seek and to save the lost.” (Luke 19:10) So, you can expect that He wants to save people in your community. Some years we plant seeds, water, reach out to the community, and just don’t see the fruit. But praying consistently that God will save the lost reminds us that we are reliant on Him for salvation. It also gives God glory when unbelievers turn to Christ.

Sometimes, when I have noticed that I am lacking in compassion or prayer for the lost in our community, I will go write my sermon for a few hours in an area where I know a lot of unbelievers tend to gather. Your local coffee shop or library could be where God breaks your heart to pray regularly for the lost in your community. Brothers, pray for God to do the miracle of saving the lost!

2. Pray for believers to be matured

Besides evangelism, one of our primary missions in pastoral ministry is to mature the believers (Colossians 1:28). This is one reason that God gave you to your church (Ephesians 4:12)! There are truths you will mine out of Scripture this year that could be exactly what someone in your congregation needs to take that next step of faith or obedience. Yet, without prayer, it is like planting seeds every Sunday and in every counseling session and never watering them. Prayer is the water and fertilizer that God uses to bring spiritual fruit out of the preaching of the Word.

Just imagine what God could do in the hearts and lives of your congregation, if He answers your prayers for their spiritual maturity. Marriages may become joyful again, parents may get back to discipling their kids, church members may serve, people may come to church hungry to be fed. Brothers, pray for God to do the miracle of maturing the believers in your church!

3. Pray for the leadership to lead humbly

One of the dangers of our calling is that we could lead our churches (and even have growth or what appears to be success) and yet not please the Lord or reflect Him if we lack humility. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6) One of the best ways to cultivate humility in ourselves and the leaders in our churches is through prayer. In the very act of prayer, we acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers or all the power to do what only God can do.

In my ministry, it is often after prayer that God has shown me blind spots or brought an answer to a ministry need through someone I never would have expected. Jesus could have demanded service, yet He wielded a towel and basin. We lead like Jesus if we are growing in humility. Brothers, pray for God to do the miracle of making you and your church leadership humble leaders!

4. Pray for the church to grow in joy

One of the marks of a mature church is a deep sense of joy. We can pray for God to give our churches joy. Then, when unbelievers visit, they will want this joy that the world cannot offer (Luke 2:10). We can pray for God to give our churches joy that is not surface-deep but rather deep like a glacier, because it is joy in God! We can pray that God would give our church joy that is Spirit-produced as we worship the living God on Sunday mornings together (Psalm 4:7).

One of the callings of pastoral ministry that has an apostolic pattern in Paul is to work with your church members for their joy (2 Corinthians 1:24). This is an area that my church has seen a lot of growth in over the past decade. One of my greatest joys in ministry now is to see the joyful fellowship happening during snack time on Sunday morning after worship. Change can happen through prayer. Brothers, pray for God to do the miracle of your church fellowship growing in joy!

5. Pray for the glory of God to be the goal

God’s glory is the ultimate goal of ministry (Romans 16:27). So, it is in tune with God’s purposes to spend time praying for God to be glorified in our churches.

In Paul’s prayer for the Ephesian church in Ephesians 3, he prays for supernatural strength for them to understand the depths of the love of Christ. Then he prays a prayer for God’s glory to be seen in their church through God doing more than they can imagine: “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen” (Ephesians 3:20-21). What a prayer to echo for your church! Brothers, pray for the glory of God to be the goal in all things in your church!

Just as I was recently talking with our Associate Pastor about a challenge in our church and we remembered to pray about it more, we also have recently seen several direct answers to prayer. Things that seemed impossible have been accomplished by God.

What answers to prayer could you be thanking God for a few months or a year from now? Start with praying for the salvation of the lost, believers to be matured, humble leadership, joyful fellowship, and the glory of God to always be the goal!

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Why I Still Believe in Youth Ministry

I first published this article at The Focused Pastor, a ministry of Focus on the Family.

I first met Matt* when he was 15. I was the new Youth Pastor and his single mom brought him to church. She was excited that we were beginning a youth ministry, and to my surprise, Matt was too. He was quirky and a bit of an outsider among the teens in the church, but I loved his honest questions about God and how he was not afraid to be different. Matt came every Wednesday evening when our youth ministry met, and I saw him grow by leaps and bounds.

At one point, I started to pick up Matt and another teen from school a few times a month for a snack and Bible study. We would get some Subway, read the Gospel of John together, talk about Jesus and life, and I would pray for them. After about a year, Matt shared with me that he knew he believed in Jesus. When I asked him how he knew he was saved, he said that it was affecting his life. He didn’t want to sin. He loved Jesus and wanted to follow him. A few months later, Matt was baptized. The last I heard about Matt, he was a video game developer serving in his local church, still following Jesus.

I’ve pastored full-time for almost two decades, and during my first eight years of vocational ministry I was a youth pastor. I am in my mid-40s now and pastoring in a rural church in New England, but I still believe in youth ministry. Matt is one reason. Now my own kids are new reasons I still believe in youth ministry.

I have noticed a change from when I first began leading youth ministry. Decades ago, it was often the parents who wanted their teens to attend more than the teens necessarily did. I knew parents who brought their teens to youth ministry events and told them they needed to be a part of it—that it was good for them. Now I have noticed that it is more often the teens who take the initiative to get themselves there. The same parents who will drive them anywhere six days a week for sports don’t always see the value in driving them to church one night a week for Bible study and fellowship with other believers their age. Should churches still value youth ministry? Here are three reasons I still believe in youth ministry.

Christian Friendship & Fellowship

It has been well-documented that today’s teens are struggling with loneliness and anxiety.1 The Surgeon General has even discussed this and some studies show that the number of youth who face loneliness regularly is about double the number that seniors report.2 Offering gospel- centered opportunities for youth to develop friendships with others their age is one way the church can help with this crisis.

One teenage girl told me she looks forward to attending our youth ministry every week because she has no Christian friends at her public school. She needs the encouragement of Christian friends to help her grow in her personal walk with Jesus and to continue to be a strong light for Christ in her school. Her closest friends are believers partly because of opportunities for fellowship in our youth ministry. Homeschoolers have often told me that they look forward to youth group every week because it is a safe place for them to grow without always having their parents with them. No matter what their schooling or home situation is like, youth ministry can be a place for teens to know that they are not alone in the world, either as a person or as a Jesus-follower.

Evangelism

Matt might have believed in Jesus and been baptized simply by attending our church. Since he attended both, our church and our youth ministry complemented each other in his spiritual journey and his eventual belief in Christ. But he was not comfortable meeting with our pastor like he was discussing faith or reading the Gospel of John with me. The fact that our church had a youth ministry and that it supported me in leading the youth ministry gave Matt an opportunity for one-on-one evangelism and later discipleship that he would not have had otherwise.

An unbelieving friend might be willing to come to youth group or a youth ministry event when they might not be ready to come to church yet. In time, as they learn more about Jesus through the youth ministry, I have seen teens eventually come to church regularly.

I still believe in youth ministry because so many teens in our culture only know the name of Jesus as a swear word. Just the other day, a public-school history teacher was telling me that in the last few decades he has seen a difference in the background knowledge that youth now have about the Bible. When he first started teaching, they had a basic knowledge of Christianity and Judaism. Now they hardly ever have any Bible background. Youth ministry is a place for teens to begin to understand the storyline of the Bible so they can begin to understand the gospel.

Teens in the Church Need to Know They Matter

Many teens over the years have told me they appreciate our youth ministry because it shows them that the church cares about them. They have shared that Bible study with other teens has helped prepare them for church involvement as adults. While they have attended some adult Bible studies—which is good and healthy—they have told me they are usually too intimidated to share much. They know that the problems and questions they face are different than other generations in the church, and they appreciate having a place to discuss them. With the foundation of the entire church worshiping and learning together on Sunday morning, I have been happy to be able to provide that safe place for teens to grow and learn.

Sometimes people ask me why we have a youth ministry, since Scripture doesn’t require it. But the same could be said for why many churches have a seniors ministry. Just as older believers enjoy the fellowship they share with other people in their age range who are experiencing many of the same problems and joys, so do youth. I am not an advocate of separating generations for every church event. For example, I have seen great benefits in having even middle schoolers come to our Men’s Bible Study (Men’s and Women’s Ministries are another choice the Bible allows but does not require). Yet, that doesn’t mean there is no benefit in also giving opportunities for youth or others to fellowship and learn by age.

Today’s teens and families have a lot on their plates. There are lots of opportunities. But since I want my teens and the teens in my church to be life-long followers of Jesus, I want to put them in front of God’s Word and provide Christian fellowship as much as I can. I still believe in youth ministry.

* For privacy, his name has been changed.

  1. https://www.rootedministry.com/loneliness-and-gen-z-hungering-for-true-community/
  2. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/05/01/loneliness-poor-health-reported-far-more-among-young-people-than-even-those-over-72/559961002/
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Brothers, Take (and Enjoy) Your Vacation Time

I originally published this article at The Focused Pastor, a ministry of Focus on the Family.

I remember the first time I took a few weeks off as a Lead Pastor. I almost felt guilty. We were a small church. I had been there about a year, and with no other staff, I struggled to cover everything that needed to happen every week. But I also remember the joy and refreshment from having special time as a family and stepping away from the burdens of ministry and the grind of sermon prep. My sermons were sharper when I returned. I felt ready to tackle ministry again. My family and I were closer.

I no longer feel guilty taking vacation time. Now, I can hardly wait, knowing that rest and investment in family relationships are good gifts from God. Brothers, take your vacation time. Enjoy your vacation time. You need it. Your family and friends need it. Your church needs it. Let’s look at four reasons pastors should take and enjoy their vacation time.

1. Because You Are Not God

Why did God take a day of rest after creating the world? Of course, there are many theological reasons, but one that is no less theological than others is that he created a pattern of rest for humans to show us that we need rest and refreshment. In enjoying the good gifts that God has given, such as family, friends, recreation, and even sleep, during intentional times of rest, we are reminded that we are not God.

When we leave ministry behind for a day off or for weeks during vacation time, we remind ourselves and others that we are not God. Pastors are important and gifts to the church, but they are not Jesus. When we try to always be there at all times for all of our members, and we don’t think they can continue in their walk with God without us for a few weeks, we are functionally telling them and ourselves that we are God. If taking your vacation time reminds you and your church that you are not Jesus, then it is time well spent no matter what you do during your time away!

2. You Need to Take Your Vacation Time Because of Your Family and Friends

Pastoral ministry can be all-consuming. There is always more to do because there are always people who need to be discipled and evangelized. While the flexible nature of our schedule can be a blessing, it can sometimes also mean that you are often “on” when most people are “off.” We count it a privilege to walk through life’s difficulties with church members, but the heaviness of a broken world starts to weigh on us after a while.

I have heard from others and experienced that the first week of vacation time for a pastor is often the week when our bodies and minds are with our family, but our minds also keep wandering back to what we didn’t get done and the ministry and challenges that lie ahead. This is why I strongly recommend the “two-week vacation principle.” If possible, pastors should try to take at least two or three weeks of vacation time at once so they have this unwinding time plus additional time to be fully present.

Maybe you could keep going in ministry mentally and emotionally without a two or three-week break, but your family and friends need you to be fully present sometimes. Your kids need memories of you focused entirely on them and not distracted by what is happening at church. Your wife needs to have regular time during the year when she gets you, not “you, the pastor.”

3. You Need to Take Your Vacation Time Because of Your Church

When I had been in my current role as Lead Pastor for about a year and a half, my wife and I went on a pastor’s and wives regional retreat. While not a vacation, it was time away from home and church responsibilities in a beautiful place that we had never been to—Cape Cod. When we returned that Sunday, I was exhausted. I had been unable to complete my sermon early in the week when I was in the office due to other ministry, so I was up late each night of the retreat, plus the night we returned. One of our deacons approached me after I preached and exhorted me, “I appreciate your hard work, but I can tell you’re tired after the retreat. Next time, get someone else to preach the Sunday after the retreat, and just rest and enjoy your time away. It will be better for everyone.” He was right. I’ve done that every year since, and my wife and I look forward to that special time of fellowship, rest, and fun together.

Your church needs you in the pulpit at least some of the time without the brain fog that slogging through sermon preparation and ministry week after week can bring. It also needs you to be rested sometimes and able to put things in the proper perspective, which happens when you’ve had time away for physical, emotional, and spiritual refreshment.

I have had pastor friends who struggle with the sense that they don’t have enough vacation time or time out of the pulpit to feel they have been able to receive the refreshment they need each year. I would encourage you to discuss with your church leadership why you could use an additional annual week or so of vacation time if this is your situation. You may need to use more annual vacation time than your leaders or church members who are not in pastoral ministry because of the strain that ministry puts on you.

4. You Need to Take Your Vacation Time Because of Your Joy & Endurance in Ministry

Our lives are more integrated than ever before. My grandpa was a pastor for over four decades, and I know that he enjoyed ministry but that it could be draining like it is for all of us. But my grandpa never made a phone call to a church member while he was driving. My grandpa never had his vacation time interrupted by a text from a church member. This is not all bad. Some of our technology and way of life today make us more efficient. But it is good to remember that the realities of pastoral ministry today mean we need our vacation time more than ever to be joyful and endure in ministry.

It’s not that we get our joy and endurance in ministry from a good vacation. Some of our family’s most restful vacation time has been when we couldn’t afford to go anywhere but enjoyed a good “staycation.” But sometimes, intentional time away from pastoral ministry gives us the perspective that we need to see God and enjoy his gifts. Brothers, take—and enjoy—your vacation time!

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Three Ways to Minister to a Family Who Has Had a Miscarriage

Note from Tim: I originally published this article at The Focused Pastor.

We were overjoyed when my wife first showed me the positive pregnancy test. Ecstatic. It was hard to believe that in 7 1/2 short months, we would be holding our baby. Since I was a pastor several states away from family, we wanted to make this announcement really special. That Friday, we bought the books What Grandparents Do Best and What Aunts and Uncles Do Best to send in the mail. We planned to write notes over the weekend to accompany the books so they would be ready to mail on Monday. But Saturday morning, we were in the E.R. We were having a miscarriage.

What would you say if you received a call from a grieving husband like me? How would you help him and his wife as they went through this time?

 Miscarriage is a difficult situation for many reasons. The pain is deep, and especially when a couple has not announced the pregnancy, they may conceal that pain. However, as a pastor or church leader, if you hear of a couple in your church that has had a miscarriage, God has given you that knowledge so you can share and show His grace to that couple. Here are three ways you can meet them with hope.

1) Acknowledge it as a death and loss.

As pro-life people, we acknowledge that every human life has value and dignity (Psalm 139). We can be strong on abortion being wrong, and that is a good thing. But we need to also be strong in acknowledging that what we know to be true about human life in the womb means that a miscarriage is a loss of human life. 

Because a miscarriage is earlier on in pregnancy than a stillbirth, sometimes others do not even know that the couple was expecting.1 Many parents who experience a miscarriage suffer silently, and when they do open up about a miscarriage, they need comfort and acknowledgment of this loss. Ignoring it hurts. Moving toward them in a phone call or setting up a time to meet if they would like can mean the world as they deal with the grief of shattered expectations and hopes for that new life. It is important to involve your wife in these conversations as it is also an opportunity for her to minister. When that is not possible, it is helpful to get permission to share it with a trusted woman or two in the church who will reach out to the mother so she has other Christian women to talk with about her loss.

Simply praying with them may be the pastoral care they need during that season. If the pregnancy was widely known or if they are very open about the miscarriage, it may even be appropriate to ask them if they would like it shared on the church prayer list or e-mail so that others in the local body can pray for them. Acknowledging a miscarriage as a reason for grief can in itself bring healing.

2) Counsel them from the Word.

All pastors and church leaders need to be ready to answer the question, “Is my baby in heaven?” Too many believe we need to be agnostic regarding this question. In other words, they believe it may be true that God saves babies. They say the attributes of God point us in that direction, but they believe Scripture is silent on the issue. I believe God is clear in Scripture that He welcomes into heaven every baby who dies, born or unborn. I believe this for four main reasons.

First, consider God’s view of children (Ezekiel 16:21; Jonah 4:11; Jeremiah 19:4; Isaiah 7:15-16). God claims ownership over all babies whom He calls “innocents,” even those of pagan nations. Second, consider Jesus’s love for children (Mark 10:13-16; Luke 18:15-17; Matthew 19:13-15). There is no other instance in Scripture of Jesus specifically blessing those destined for hell. Third, consider King David’s belief (2 Samuel 12:22-23). David was comforted with much more than the thought that he would join his infant son in the grave someday—he expected that he would see him again! Fourth, consider theological reasons. Scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Ephesians 5:5, and Revelation 20:12-13show that we are saved by grace but condemned by works. Whenever Scripture describes those who will inhabit hell, the emphasis is on their willful sin and rebellion against God. I agree with Spurgeon, who preached: “We hold that all infants [who die] are elect of God are therefore saved, and we look to this as being the means by which Christ shall see of the travail of His soul to a great degree, and we do sometimes hope that thus the multitude of the saved shall be made to exceed the multitude of the lost.”2

I have written more on this topic elsewhere, but John MacArthur’s book Safe in the Arms of God extensively dives into this crucial topic. When I wrote a seminary paper on the eternal destiny of babies, I found that previous generations who dealt with higher infant death rates often wrote about this more. But all pastors need to dive deeply into this at some point. It is not theoretical. It is a pressing pastoral issue when a miscarriage happens or when a baby dies.

Even a pastor who is unsure of his theology in this area needs to be prepared with some encouragement from the Word for parents grieving a miscarriage because the Holy Spirit brings healing through the Word of God.

3) Offer practical help from the church if needed.

As you minister to the family, see if there are practical ways the church can help and come alongside them in their grief. Of course, the needs will vary with the situation, but asking about the need for meals or other help during recovery time can go a long way. My wife and I both remember feeling the love and help of the body of Christ as some meals were brought to us after our first miscarriage and again in another church years later as a second miscarriage included medical complications. Knowing that we were loved and not alone brought great comfort.

It is a good pastoral practice to follow up with a couple in the months following the miscarriage, even if that starts with a quick check-in. They might be dealing with other situations later, such as infertility, depression, or needing encouragement in their marriage. I have never regretted checking in on a couple a month or two after a miscarriage, but I have regretted not checking in on them. 

Christ always cares for His sheep, and while we are not Christ, we can reflect him when we show special care to those who are suffering the unique hurts a miscarriage brings. Through faithful pastors and churches, hurting couples can experience the healing and hope that Christ brings.

  1. While this article focuses on miscarriage, couples who face stillbirths will need much of the same ministry and perhaps even more support. The CDC defines the difference between miscarriage and stillbirth: “a miscarriage is usually defined as loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, and a stillbirth is loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy.” https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/stillbirth/facts.html ↩︎
  2. Spurgeon, Expositions of the Doctrines of Grace. ↩︎
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The Gratitude Revolution Every Pastor Needs

I originally published this article at The Focused Pastor.

Leaf season just ended here in Vermont. The thousands of “leaf peepers” who inundate our little town for a month and a half every autumn are gone. People are no longer stopping in the middle of the road to jump out of their cars and snap the perfect photo of fall splendor. But traffic annoyances in our sleepy town aside, I thank God for leaf peepers because they remind me to look for the glory around us. Fresh eyes looking at our green mountains turned orange, red, and gold see things familiar eyes may miss. Similarly, cultivating a heart of gratitude for what God is doing in our churches helps us see our churches in new ways. Giving thanks opens our eyes to see glory again.

Being intentionally thankful in ministry has too often not been my default attitude

It is easy for me to focus on the difficult parts of pastoral ministry, the problems in the church, and the difficult church members. It takes an act of the Spirit and me yielding to the Spirit to have a reflex of gratitude. Problems are often in our faces as pastors, and we can be utterly blind at times to what we should be thankful for in our churches. Yet we learn from the Apostle Paul’s pattern that gratitude for our churches and thanksgiving to God for specific church members will give us new lenses through which to view our churches. This attitude can be revolutionary in our view of ministry as we follow Paul’s example.

Colossians 1:3-5 is a paradigm for pastors that can change our default from grumbling to gratitude. “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven…” (Colossians 1:3-5a). First, Paul says he always thanks God for the Colossian church when he prays for them.

Do you thank God persistently and specifically for what He does in people’s lives?

Look at how specific he is. In these three verses, Paul gives thanks for their faith, he gives thanks for their love for the saints, and he gives thanks for how they are growing in their understanding of and appropriation of the gospel. Paul sees the salvation and sanctification of the Colossian believers as a direct work of the Holy Spirit (Colossians 1:8), so he thanks God for His work in them.

Fellow Pastors, do you give thanks specifically for the work God is doing in people’s lives?

Do you give thanks for the kids and teens growing in their faith? Do you give thanks for the marriages that reflect the love of Christ better than they used to? Do you give thanks by name for the seniors in your church?

If I don’t purposefully stop and give thanks for the work I see God doing in or through specific people, I am missing out on an opportunity to worship the God who is at work. Many people give thanks this time of year, but part of how gratitude becomes Christian thanksgiving is when we express it to God.

We’re not talking about a secular optimism that tries hard to see the world through rose-colored glasses but ignores significant difficulties or issues it needs to deal with. Rather, the apostolic example for us as pastors is that because of who God is, and because of what God indeed does, we have reasons to give thanks.

Most of the beginning of Paul’s epistles start with him giving thanks for the church he writes to (Romans 1:8, 1 Corinthians 1:4, Ephesians 1:15-16, Philippians 1:3-5, 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3, 2 Thessalonians 1:3, 2 Timothy 1:3, Philemon 4-5). Notice the pattern. Paul thanks God for them and then tells them. It’s like “gratitude dynamite” when we thank God for somebody and then tell them so. It helps them to see the miracle of Almighty God at work in them.

The thanksgiving for the church in Corinth sticks out as a way to give thanks no matter what is going on in ministry at any moment. In all the other passages, Paul thanks God for something specific. But when he writes to the church in Corinth with all their problems, he thanks God for His grace in them. He’s unsure what to thank God for in that church, so he thanks God for His grace in their lives.

Paul shows us that we can thank God for what He is doing in our churches now rather than waiting to thank Him if they become more of what we want them to be. It is an act of worship to thank God for what I see Him doing now, even in the difficult seasons of ministry.

Don’t let pastoral ministry harden you

In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace becomes a dragon. It takes the painful and persistent clawing of the Christ figure, Aslan the lion, to remove Eustace’s scaly, hard dragon skin so that Eustace can be a soft-skinned boy again.

It could be that you are like me. At times, the relentlessness of issues in pastoral ministry can harden you. Problems may be blinding you to blessings. One of the only ways I have found not to let the stress harden me is to continually pursue a heart of gratitude. When I am not thanking God for His work in people’s lives, my church, and my family’s lives, I begin to look more like a dragon than a pastor. But a miracle happens when I pursue gratitude, especially when I continually thank God in prayer for what He is doing. I become soft toward God again, excited about what He is doing in my church. Gratitude is the tool Jesus often uses to painfully help me to shed my scales and enjoy doing again what He has created me to do: glorify him, be a normal person (not a crusty pastor), and use my gifts to shepherd others well.

Sometimes, in the act of thanksgiving, God gives us new eyes. God sees everything, and when we obey God in praying with thankful hearts, sometimes He will show us something else He is doing that we couldn’t see before we gave thanks. Gratitude begets gratitude. Thanksgiving turns into prayer, which turns into praise, even when I don’t feel thankful.

It could be that a gratitude revolution is what you need. According to the pattern in the epistles, it is what we all need.

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The Missing Ingredient in Too Many Marriages: Joy

Note from Tim: This article originally appeared at Focus on the Family’s The Focused Pastor. You will regularly see articles I have written for The Focused Pastor here. However, I will continue to write articles for both pastors and all Christians. If you are not a pastor but you find this helpful, please pass it on to your pastor! Also, the biblical marriage principles about joy in marriage apply to all marriages.

Like cupcakes missing sugar, too many Christian marriages are missing a key ingredient. Just because a marriage is missing this ingredient doesn’t mean it’s not a marriage, just as a cupcake missing sugar doesn’t mean it’s not a cupcake. But neither “tastes” good. 

When we realize that what is at stake is not a bad batch of baked goods but potentially a poor reflection of the gospel through our marriage relationship, we will do all we can to put the ingredient of joy back into our marriages. Many Christian marriages, including ministry marriages, would be sweet again if husbands took the lead in loving their wives joyfully.

My wife is usually pretty positive with me, but one evening, she looked at me and said, “Did you know you’re pretty grumpy most of the time right now?” That knocked me a little off-kilter. She knew things had been stressful at church. She had been supportive and prayerful with me. But after I stopped defending myself in my mind and started to think about what she had the courage to point out, I asked her more about it and realized that she was right. I was getting so consumed with trying to stay on top of pastoral ministry while dealing with multiple fronts during a difficult season in our church that it was negatively affecting my parenting—and our marriage.

I had to ask for forgiveness and start to make changes. Nothing was immediate, but choice by choice, joy began to seep back into our marriage and family. 

As I evaluated what happened, I realized that in trying to be Jesus for my church, I had not loved my wife like Jesus loves the church. Ephesians 5:25 is loud and clear on our calling: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” 

Love to Love Your Wife

One specific way that Christ loved the church, a way that God calls us to echo his love in our marriages, is that Jesus loved the church joyfully. He loves to love us. Do we love to love our wives?

Jesus doesn’t just put up with the church. He receives joy by giving us joy (Hebrews 12:2). Jesus doesn’t love the church grudgingly but persistently. He joyfully and persistently loves us. Jesus’ love doesn’t change based on our relationship with him on any given day. 

When wives know that their husbands love to love them, there is a security in marriage that develops and strengthens over years. This security frees a wife to be an even greater blessing to others. Also, when we love our wives so joyfully that it’s obvious to her and others, a sweetness develops. When a pastor and wife exude this sweetness to their church and others through the genuine joy in their marriage, their marriage “smells” like the gospel. A joyful marriage covenant points to the New Covenant.

Cultivating Joy

Here are four ways to cultivate more consistent joy in your marriage as you strive to reflect Christ in the love you have for your wife.

1. Spend intentional time together.

Jesus delights to be with his bride. Yet, I am shocked at how quickly I can coast in marriage. The demands of ministry, bills, raising children, home repair, and just making it through each day can mean that I look up and we haven’t had enough intentional time together. We have found that a weekly date night is unrealistic in this season of five kids, including toddlers and teenagers. But we can still purposefully set aside one night or more a week to cuddle on the couch together while we watch a movie or talk. And we can still intentionally carve out times that we go out together without kids, both for a few hours and occasionally for a few days. 

Are you as intentional to spend time with your wife as you are to follow up on shepherding issues at church?

2. Talk about what God is teaching you.

Joy ultimately comes from Jesus (Luke 2:10, Matthew 28:8, 1 Peter 1:8, 1 John 1:4). When you invest personally in your relationship with Jesus, true joy will seep into your marriage. I have found that when we talk about what God is teaching us, whether spontaneously or as an intentional question, it encourages each other’s walks with the Lord and begins to spill over into our marriage relationship. Pastors, God is teaching you in the Word every week. Share some of that with your wife, not as an additional sermon but out of the joy of knowing Jesus. 

3. Act like Jesus is King.

One of the greatest pieces of advice I have ever heard from another pastor is to talk about church matters as appropriate or needed with your wife for just a little bit when you get home. Then pray together about it before moving on with the evening if there’s a pressing issue, but act like Jesus is king. It is easy to bring things up again and just go around and around about ministry. That is okay to a degree if it helps you serve others together, but at some point, you need to have discussions that are not ministry-related, especially if the issues are stressful. Give it to Jesus, and let it go for the evening (Matthew 6:34).

4. Serve together in some way.

Serving as a pastor does not mean I am automatically serving Jesus with my wife. It can be okay to serve in different areas of the church or family life, depending on the season of life and giftedness. After all, she is not a pastor because she is married to you. But I have found that doing some ministry purposefully together has been helpful. For us, that has been as varied as visitation, foster care, planning an outreach together, or being on the worship team together. Serving together purposefully can bring joy to your marriage, reminding you that God brought you together to glorify him.

Brothers, does your wife not only know that you love her but know that you love to love her, as your Savior does? The marriage of A.W. Tozer leaves us with a somber warning. In his book I Still Do, Dave Harvey recounts: “Tozer was a spiritual giant—a man of spectacular faith, incredible insight, and compelling godliness. But Tozer neglected his wife, Ada, and their family in some pretty stunning ways…After Tozer’s death, Ada remarried a man named Leonard Odam. Dorsett [Tozer’s biographer] writes of a poignant moment when Ada was asked to describe her life with her new husband. ‘I have never been happier in my life,’ Ada observed. ‘Aiden [Tozer] loved Jesus Christ, but Leonard Odam loves me.’”[1]

Brothers, we can love both Jesus and our wives well. We are called to love both. A marriage that “smells” like the gospel will have one often-overlooked ingredient: joy.

[1] Dave Harvey, I Still Do (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2020), p. 193.

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Cultivating Trust with New Church Attendees

Note from Tim: This article originally appeared at Focus on the Family’s The Focused Pastor. You will regularly see articles I have written for The Focused Pastor here. However, I will continue to write articles for both pastors and all Christians. If you are not a pastor but you find this helpful, please pass it on to your pastor!

I have noticed over the years that somebody attending my church and pastoring them are often two different things. Formally, membership is how our church recognizes that somebody has publicly said that our church is their home church. But I have often found that before membership, there is a moment when a new attendee calls you “pastor,” and you know that you have a new sacred relationship that God has allowed you to have.

Sometimes, we build trust quickly, and God places a new sheep right where they need to be. I think of the family who moved to our town from over 1,500 miles away, visited our church the following Sunday, and never left until they moved out of state again five years later. I think of another family who visited our church for about a month before the husband asked if he could go to coffee with me. I couldn’t read them and wondered if he had a lot of questions before they would settle into our church life. He looked at me after the first sip of joe and said with a big smile, “Our family is ready to join your church. We have found our church home.”

I also think of the lady who had to leave a church that no longer believed the Bible was the inerrant Word of God. It took her about a year of attending off and on before we had that same conversation at the same coffee shop.

But I also think of the primarily Spanish-speaking attendee who first called me pastor when I knocked on her door during a snowstorm. She had been attending for about six months, but I still did not have her phone number or e-mail address. I did know where she lived, and I wanted to make sure that she understood that the kid’s Christmas pageant practices were starting in a few days in case her kids wanted to be a part of it. Driving to her house and knocking on the door while the snow fell to make sure we included her in our church family was what she needed to call me “pastor.” As I saw the trust built, I realized I had acted as a shepherd representing the care of Christ in her life. I baptized her about six months later.

There are three main ways I have learned to shepherd new attendees into being part of our local flock.

1. Building trust

 Attendees of a new church need to know that they can trust you as their pastor. Yes, we are only imperfect men who serve a perfect Savior. But they must know if you go to God’s Word to get answers for life and eternity. This will primarily start with your preaching ministry. Recently, new attendees often know how we hold to God’s Word because they have researched us on our website and often watched our live stream or listened to sermons before they visited the first time.

Once they walk through your church doors, trust is built as you or other members or leaders connect with them, and they know that somebody cares they attended your church. We all need to know that God’s Word is taught and that God’s Word is lived out, and that includes welcoming strangers no matter their beliefs or backgrounds. Each new attendee, each new family or individual, needs to move at their own pace as God leads them.

2. Assessing trust 

You continue to build trust Trust as you and your church’s credibility grows in a new attendee’s eyes. Do they know you and the church members will pray for them? Can they talk with somebody about their questions about the church, the gospel, or God’s Word? Sometimes, that trust is built as they continue to attend Sunday after Sunday, and other times, that trust is built more slowly or as they are contacted to check in on them because they have not attended in a while. Even if they have moved on to another church, I have never had somebody tell me that I should not have checked in on them. This includes learning their name or getting them in touch with another elder or leader who will know them and their family and who can start to get them more involved in the life of the church so that they can grow in Christ, be ministered to, and eventually minister through your local body.

3. Cultivating trust

We cultivate trust as we grow together in Christ. The church is a dynamic organism, constantly changing as people move, are born, die, leave, or unite themselves to your local body. Yet a dynamic church is not necessarily seen in how large it is or whether or not it is growing in numbers in any given season. A church that is alive cares for its members, new attendees, and the community, seeking to apply the gospel of Christ to their lives.

Sometimes, that trust is built through serving together. Only members can serve in our children’s ministry, for example, but we let a relatively new attendee participate in helping with our Block Party outreach. Serving together showed her this was a church community with which she wanted to live her Christian life. When somebody is fighting cancer or going through some other hardship, alerting the church membership to how they can serve them is another way we have cultivated trust. We are called to show the love of Christ to all.

There is joy in representing Jesus and in pointing people to the Great Shepherd of our souls. Harold Senkbeil, in his book The Care of Souls, says that a sheepdog always has his tail wagging when he is working, and one eye is always on his master. If your eyes are on the Master, it will hit you as it sometimes hits me: I get the privilege to serve Jesus as his errand boy today—wherever and in whatever way he chooses to take me for that day or that season.

Yet, at the same time, pastoral ministry is challenging. There have been many times I have considered pursuing a different career. Yet there are many more things that keep drawing me back: the glory of Christ and the gospel, the sense I can’t shake that this is what God wants me to do, my wife & pastor friends who share love and encouragement with me, seeing people saved and growing in their walk with Jesus, and a co-worker and fellow church members who love serving God through serving his people.

Near the top of that list, I add the joy of that moment when you realize that under Jesus, you have a new sheep to lead. Keep shepherding each one towards Christ. There is no greater privilege.

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Pastoral Weakness and The Power of Christ

Note from Tim: This article was originally published at Focus on the Family’s “The Focused Pastor.” These ideas came from a talk I gave at Small Town Summits in Vermont, Rhode Island & Connecticut.

I didn’t plan to write a sermon on the power of Christ in weakness with a fever. Yet that is where I found myself this spring, preparing a sermon on 2 Corinthians 12:1-10. Day in and day out that week, I would try to write that sermon and do other ministry I had planned. Day after day, my physical and mental weakness frustrated my plans. Many more than three times, I pleaded with the Lord to deliver me and take the sickness away. Here’s what I kept hearing as I opened God’s Word to prepare to preach: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I have had a fairly healthy last several months, but a fever this morning has peaked as I write this. God wants me to learn again that the power of Christ will rest on me in my weakness. Sometimes God says no to our prayers to work out his purpose, which is greater than we could ever see on this side of Heaven.

For you, it may be much more serious than a fever. It has been a challenging year for me with various trials, but nothing as serious or life-threatening as cancer as some of my church members and a pastor friend are dealing with. Whatever weakness you are struggling with personally or in pastoral ministry, 2 Corinthians 12 teaches us that the power of Christ rests upon us in our suffering.

A personal pastoral weakness

Second Corinthians is a highly personal letter. Paul is writing to a church he had spent at least 18 months planting and establishing. He knew these people. He loved these people. He had shared God’s Word and the gospel with them. Yet false teachers, whom Paul sometimes called “super-apostles” in a tongue-in-cheek way in this letter (2 Corinthians 11:5-6), had come in and brought false teaching. They received an audience from the Corinthian church by discrediting Paul as an apostle, but not in the way we might expect. It was through personal attacks like making fun of his appearance or saying, “He’s so tough in his letters, but wait until you meet him in person.” (See this idea in 2 Corinthians 10:10)

We need to put ourselves in Paul’s shoes to realize how personally difficult it would be not only to have someone in our church giving us a hard time, as we’ve all experienced, but even making fun of us. Yet to make matters worse, it seems that part of what the “super-apostles” were using to discredit Paul is that he had so many weaknesses. As you read 2 Corinthians, you can almost hear them taunting, “If Paul is a true Apostle, then why does he have so many difficulties?”

The power of Christ tabernacles with us in our weakness

Yet Paul found that his “thorn in the flesh,” as difficult as it was and as much as it was a messenger of Satan (2 Corinthians 12:7), was being used by God to keep him from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the spiritual revelations he had received. The word “thorn” in 2 Corinthians 12:7 is strong—it can mean a stake. His revelations and visions threatened to puff him up, so God sent a thorn to burst his bubble and make him humble.

Brothers, here is the hard but important truth we will sometimes experience in ministry: God is more concerned with our character and spiritual growth than our comfort. The discomfort is often how he meets us. Paul explains in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9a, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…”

Sometimes God chooses not to deliver us from the trial but through the trial. And here’s the beautiful thing that can’t be missed—in our weakness, the power of Christ rests upon us in a way that we would not experience if we were not in that trial.

When Paul writes at the end of 2 Corinthians 12:9, “…Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me,” there is an important phrase used. “Rest upon me” at the end of verse 9 is the vocabulary of the Tabernacle, from the time when God pitched his tent with his people (Exodus 40:34). It is also the language used of Jesus when “the word became flesh and dwelt among us.” (John 1:14) Jesus tabernacled among us when he came to earth, just as the glory of the LORD tabernacled with his people through the Tabernacle and later the Temple.

The breathtaking truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9 is that the all-powerful Christ “pitches his tent” with his people in their weakness. He rests upon you in his strength when you are weak. Your pastoral weakness is where Jesus pitches his tent with you.

Do you not know what to say to that difficult theological question? The power of Christ pitches his tent with you in your weakness.

Do you not know what to do or say when a family in your church goes through tragedy? The power of Christ pitches his tent with you in your weakness.

Do you feel weary in ministry, wondering if you can continue to handle the pressure? The power of Christ pitches his tent with you in your weakness.

Are you or someone in your family battling an illness? The power of Christ pitches his tent with you in your weakness.

Whatever you may be facing today that shows your weakness in pastoral ministry, it is an opportunity to experience Christ resting upon you. The only requirement is that you are weak because Jesus is strong!

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A Sabbatical For a Small-Town Pastor? The Why & the How

This article was featured at Small Town Summits Articles. Tim is the Content Manager for Small Town Summits Articles.

This summer, I had more focused time than I’ve ever had with my wife and kids. We made memories we will never forget and built into our relationships. I rested more than I have in years. I went for prayer walks just because I wanted to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation and to spend some extra alone time with the Lord. I studied for a writing project without interruption and made progress on a book idea that I could not have made if it were not for the focused time. I never felt guilty or like I was behind on ministry responsibilities for 10 weeks. I refocused on my identity as a child of God rather than as a pastor. This was possible because my church gave me a sabbatical, and it is not only possible as a small-town pastor, but beneficial.

How It Helped
I want to first convince you that especially if you have been at a church for seven years or more, a sabbatical will be good for you and your church. Then we will look at some “nuts and bolts” of how to plan a sabbatical that will be a time of intentional rest, refreshment, and reset for you and your family, as well as your church.

Improved Health

At the start of sabbatical our family had the opportunity to go to Florida due to the kindness of our church family and of a couple in our church who owns a home in Florida. It was there that I began to realize how badly I had needed the sabbatical but also that I needed to change patterns when I returned. Multiple times in the first two weeks, when we were getting ready to go do something fun I began to have symptoms of severe anxiety. This went away with rest, showing me how tired I was. I did my best the entire sabbatical to get a full night’s sleep and at the end of the 10 weeks I had a noticeable difference in even having conversations with people—being more alert and able to focus more on them.

I also began to run again, something I used to enjoy and had not regularly done in over a decade. Post-sabbatical, I feel stronger and more efficient at work due to these health changes. While I’m still struggling to manage my schedule and get enough sleep, I now know what it feels like to be healthier. I’m working towards that and I’m still making time to run. What could God do for your physical and emotional health during a sabbatical?

Reset in Ministry & In My Personal Walk With God

I had a church member tell me just the other day that since sabbatical, there has been something different—in a good way—about me as a pastor. What we think we put our finger on is that in just over two months of being away from our church and ministry responsibilities, I was able to dig deeper into my identity as a child of God rather than first as a pastor. This has given me confidence as a leader, an area that I needed to grow in. I feel more freedom to lead because my roots are deeper in caring more about what God thinks about me and my leadership than what others may think.

Most years I attend other churches on Sundays during vacation two or three times. Visiting other churches Sunday after Sunday was deeply refreshing to me. I took sermon notes every time simply for my own soul’s growth, not for my next sermon or teaching opportunity. I also wrote down a few take-aways from every church we visited so that I could bring back helpful ideas to incorporate into our own church. After sabbatical I heard from many church members that one of the best things for them was to realize that even though they missed me and my family, that they could still be the church without me. If a sabbatical helps your church to focus on the fact that you are not Jesus, your sabbatical could be just as spiritually important for them as it is for you.

Family Relationship Investment

An entire article could be written on what this special time did for the relationships between my wife and me, and our kids. The three main sabbatical goals we had expressed to the church from the beginning were relationships, rest, and writing. Relationships were the most important. As you know, ministry has a way of stretching us and ministry in a small town often requires wearing more hats. We went into sabbatical with gratitude, realizing that our son leaves our home in four short years and trying to be intentional about time with him. By God’s grace, my wife and I planned for some time away and also as a couple at home both while the kids were at camp and with trusted friends for a few days so that we could focus on our marriage. Time with your family is never wasted time. It is good to work hard in ministry and with excellence for God’s glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), but it is also good to rest and play together (Genesis 2:1-3). When was the last time you had weeks where you hardly spoke about church and ministry other than in prayer? For us it had been way too long, and sabbatical gave us the space to do that. It was also good for our church to know that we were intentionally focusing on our marriage and parenting.

Writing or Study Project

Many pastors plan time for a writing or study project during sabbatical. I found this to be special time that made a genuine difference in my book idea. I made progress that was the fruit of having consecutive days to concentrate and see how concepts and Scriptures tie together. My only caution would be to plan this time in carefully, and no more than a week per month off. You and your wife know your situation better than anyone else, but I had a pastor friend who recommended two weeks of writing time during my two months off and I wish I had listened to him rather than planning for three. The important thing is to plan for a project that is life-giving and not an assignment you have to turn into your church when you return. They will be excited to know what you’re working on during this time, but set expectations so that they realize it is time for God to feed your soul whether that is through reading, writing, or a combination.

How We Planned It

Discussion with leadership

In my situation, the church had offered a sabbatical after five years but the timing (2020) was not right. So I discussed it with them and we agreed that 10 weeks was about the right amount of time given that I took a sabbatical after seven years and given the church’s schedule, staffing, and ability to bring in other speakers. We discussed logistics and problem-solved beginning about 18 months out and found this gave us enough time to plan well.

Communication With Congregation

Another elder, rather than me, communicated with the congregation about the sabbatical a little over one year out. We found that having another leader be the point person for the sabbatical gave him the chance to explain why a sabbatical was needed for me and how it would work, while also giving the congregation an opportunity to share excitement as well as concerns that could be addressed. I did help in the communication by writing a PDF that explained what the focus of our sabbatical would be and what our current plan was for the church, but he e-mailed it out for me so that I could still communicate with the congregation about sabbatical but with his help and support in discussing it with the congregation.

Intentional Budgeting and Church Life Planning

Part of those discussions first with leadership and then with the congregation included intentional budgeting. We budgeted to bring in enough pulpit supply that we could have half sermons from our own staff (if you don’t have another pastor on staff, elders and other leaders could preach as their gifts and desire allow even if it’s only a couple of times), and half sermons from pastor friends and ministry leaders. We planned to give the special speakers a gas/food stipend and to put them in a local Inn, in addition to an honorarium, so that we could bring speakers from further away who could still be rested and ready to serve our congregation well. We also planned the sabbatical during a time that many regular church ministries were already taking a pause for the summer.

Intentional Planning With Your Wife

If you are married, the most important one to plan sabbatical with is your wife. Listen to her. Hear her heart and value her thoughts and desires as you plan. Talk through every aspect of it, even well before sabbatical discussions with leadership. Talk and pray about what your goals and needs are, and how you can intentionally plan for maximum good effect on your marriage and your kids. We found our plans changing over time because I was turned down for a sabbatical grant but then on their own initiative and without our knowledge our church took an offering so we could do things we could not have done otherwise with my pastor salary. It was fun and marriage-building to dream and pray together about what God could do in our lives during the sabbatical. Because of this planning, it was even a joy to work on house projects together that had been left on the back burner too long due to our normal ministry schedule. 

Enjoy!

I once heard a pastor encouraging younger pastors to plan in regular sabbatical times even if they are only every seven years or so. He explained that after several sabbaticals at his current church and long ministry there, somebody said to him, “It must be nice.” He knows that he works hard, and that he is fulfilling the ministry God has for him, and that a sabbatical is good for him, his family, and his church. So with some of that confidence in God that can come with sabbatical time, he simply smiled and replied to his church member, “It is nice.” Fellow small-town pastor, if you are overdue for a sabbatical, I hope that you will be saying the same thing soon.

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