3 Ways a Pastor & His Wife Can Stay Madly In Love

This article first appeared on the Baptist Convention of New England blog.

Pastors and wives, don’t forget that there is one time the Bible commands you to get drunk: “…Be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19) God wants you to be drunk with love for your spouse. This is best for you, best for your spouse, best for your kids, best for your church, and it glorifies God. Pastors and wives face unique pressures and challenges due to our roles in the body of Christ. Here are three ways a pastor and wife can stay madly in love through all of the ups and downs of pastoral ministry.

Remember Jesus is married to the church. You are not.
It is no secret that pastors often struggle with working too much. There is always more to do. Unlike a contractor who can look at a remodeling project and say it is done or an accountant who can say the books are balanced, pastoral ministry is never ever finished until Jesus comes back.

But remember, Jesus is married to the church. You are not. Don’t try to be Jesus for your church. The church only needs one Savior, and you are not Him. But you are married to your spouse. We will all stand before God and answer not only for how we loved His church, but also for how we loved our spouse.

Yes, there will be weeks and seasons that are overly busy, and every pastor and wife has to grapple with that fact and communicate, work together and show grace during those busy times. But not every season can be that way or something is out of balance, and your ministry, not to mention your marriage, will suffer because of it.

Over the years I have been guilty of prioritizing discipleship of others over prayer and Bible reading with my wife. But when I love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-33), including having time for her, I also love His church better. Sometimes this may mean taking a “comp day” off after an especially busy season and doing something fun together, or going home early without guilt to help with home projects if they have been neglected due to your recent ministry schedule.

Remember your friendship.
Both a pastor and his wife can struggle with forgetting to prioritize their friendship. Pastors often have trouble letting go of things at church, and because ministry is a joint endeavor (as it should be), pastor’s wives can also easily prioritize ministry opportunities over their husbands.

My grandfather was a pastor for over 40 years, and he and my grandmother, who were married for 64 years, would often say that one of their secrets for a happy marriage was laughing together. Make sure you are taking all of your vacation days, and not just taking care of ministry and home responsibilities together. Play a game. Watch a funny movie that you both enjoy. Exercise together. Go outside together. Get a babysitter or do a child care swap so you can go out on a date together. Invest in each other as friends.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 reminds us that life is fleeting, and that God has given us a spouse to enjoy life with. “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that He has given you under the sun…” “Vain” can also be translated “fleeting” or “vapor.” Life is like a vapor. Enjoy and invest in your friendship with your spouse, and your oneness will grow: emotionally, mentally, sexually and spiritually. Time with your spouse is never wasted time.

Remember your first love is Jesus.
When I am closer to Jesus, I am closer to my wife. I mean truly closer to Jesus, in my heart, not just thinking I am closer because I am doing the right things. Why is this?

Paul David Tripp helpfully explains in his book, What Did You Expect?, “A marriage of love, unity and understanding is not rooted in romance; it is rooted in worship…No marriage will be unaffected when the people in the marriage are seeking to get from the creation what they were only ever meant to get from the Creator.”

This applies to pastors and wives as much as anyone else. When you remember that Jesus is your first love (see Revelation 2:4-5), then His love naturally overflows out of your life onto your spouse. Rekindle your love for Jesus, and be in tune with His heart for reflecting the Gospel in your marriage. Then your marriage will be like a fireplace on a winter day that keeps you both warm, and at the same time gives warmth and light to others.

5 Reasons Every Pastor Should Be Involved in VBS or Camp Ministry

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Me with 185 campers at Camp Gilead for Junior Camp, July 2018 (www.campgilead.org)

This article was featured at For The Church.

I know, I know, I can already hear the objections and excuses. We pastors are often tired, overworked, and burdened men. That is exactly why I ask you to consider being involved in VBS and/or Christian camp ministry next summer, or this summer if it’s not too late. We need the joy these ministries offer.

I didn’t say that you or I should be directing VBS or Camp Ministry, but involved. I do believe in pastors equipping the saints for the work of the ministry (Ephesians 4:11-12), and that churches are healthiest when all the members are serving and using their gifts.

Yet, the sheep are encouraged when they see their shepherd getting in the sheep pen with them. Here are five reasons you should climb in, although there are many more:

1. It will bring you joy.
I just came off of 2 weeks of summer youth outreach ministry. The first week was serving as the camp pastor for a Christian Junior Camp (3rd-5th Grade). The second week was simply assisting with the VBS at our church for 4-6 year olds, taking pictures at the Fellowship of Christian Athletes sports camp for older kids that we sponsored at the same time, and teaching 3 Bible studies during the week. I am tired. And full of joy.

It is good to step away from the day to day grind of the church office and admin, and even be outside a bit more. Spurgeon said so: “A day’s breathing of fresh air upon the hills, or a few hours ramble in the beech woods’ umbrageous calm, would sweep the cobwebs out of the brain of scores of our toiling ministers who are now but half alive…[It] would not give grace to the soul, but it would yield oxygen to the body, which is next best.” (Lectures to my Students)  

Take a vacation day–or week or two–and do what Spurgeon recommends. But during the week of Vacation Bible School, rearrange your ministry schedule and do what Spurgeon recommends by serving and interacting with kids. If you are only teaching during the Bible study time, step outside with them for game time too.

Hearing children laugh, being in the room with them when they sing and do motions, witnessing a child’s eyes light up when they first hear that Jesus rose from the dead, meeting parents in the community who didn’t even know your church existed before, and doing this all together with others in your church for the glory of Christ, will bring you a large dose of joy.

The complaining and disgruntled church member can wait a week. Seeing the joy of the gospel through children’s eyes can’t wait.

2. You get to share the gospel.
You get to share the gospel with some who have never heard the good news–ever. You get to share the gospel with children who are in your church week after week, but maybe never hear the good news of Jesus’ death and resurrection for them from your lips. Church members get to see you in the trenches with them, explaining the gospel with both love and seriousness in your eyes and on your face. You get to share the gospel with kids at camp who have never stepped foot in a church, and “church kids” at camp who were in church before they came out of the womb. You get to share the gospel. Enough said.

3. You will appreciate your Children’s Ministry volunteers more.
The Children’s Ministry volunteers in your church probably get little recognition this side of Heaven, and seeing them work so closely with little ones will help you to appreciate them more, and shepherd them better. There is something about seeing them wipe little noses, and wipe glue off of tables, and help a Kindergartner glue a “Jesus Loves You” heart onto a craft stick, and hug a little kid who fell down on the playground, that binds your heart with their hearts. You are in this together, for Jesus’ fame.

Serving with them in Vacation Bible School, or seeing another youth or children’s ministry such as a Christian Camp, will also help give you new ministry ideas for your church and community.

I love VBSDon’t miss out on the fresh ministry ideas and opportunities to improve your ministry to families and the community because you think you need to keep your nose to the grindstone. Sometimes looking up from the grindstone and seeing what is happening around you in ministry through other believers is even more productive for Christ’s Kingdom.

4. It will sharpen your teaching to adults.
If you get an opportunity to teach children–whether it’s a week of chapels at a Christian camp, or even one Bible study during VBS–take it! Being forced to see the Scriptures through the eyes of a 5 year old or a 5th grader will help you to boil it down to the most basic truths. It will help you see the big picture. It will help you illustrate the Word better. It will help you pray for children more. It will help you think of fresh ideas for teaching adults.

5. What would Jesus do?
Think about it: WWJD? Do you really think Jesus would stay holed up in His office while a team of volunteers loved on kids and taught the good news about His death and resurrection to them? His disciples thought so.

But Jesus corrected them: “Now they were bringing even infants to Him that He might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to Him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.'” (Luke 18:15-16)

Brothers, for your own heart, and for your ministry, be involved in VBS and camp ministry!