Tag: Family Ministry

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Why I Still Believe in Youth Ministry

I first published this article at The Focused Pastor, a ministry of Focus on the Family.

I first met Matt* when he was 15. I was the new Youth Pastor and his single mom brought him to church. She was excited that we were beginning a youth ministry, and to my surprise, Matt was too. He was quirky and a bit of an outsider among the teens in the church, but I loved his honest questions about God and how he was not afraid to be different. Matt came every Wednesday evening when our youth ministry met, and I saw him grow by leaps and bounds.

At one point, I started to pick up Matt and another teen from school a few times a month for a snack and Bible study. We would get some Subway, read the Gospel of John together, talk about Jesus and life, and I would pray for them. After about a year, Matt shared with me that he knew he believed in Jesus. When I asked him how he knew he was saved, he said that it was affecting his life. He didn’t want to sin. He loved Jesus and wanted to follow him. A few months later, Matt was baptized. The last I heard about Matt, he was a video game developer serving in his local church, still following Jesus.

I’ve pastored full-time for almost two decades, and during my first eight years of vocational ministry I was a youth pastor. I am in my mid-40s now and pastoring in a rural church in New England, but I still believe in youth ministry. Matt is one reason. Now my own kids are new reasons I still believe in youth ministry.

I have noticed a change from when I first began leading youth ministry. Decades ago, it was often the parents who wanted their teens to attend more than the teens necessarily did. I knew parents who brought their teens to youth ministry events and told them they needed to be a part of it—that it was good for them. Now I have noticed that it is more often the teens who take the initiative to get themselves there. The same parents who will drive them anywhere six days a week for sports don’t always see the value in driving them to church one night a week for Bible study and fellowship with other believers their age. Should churches still value youth ministry? Here are three reasons I still believe in youth ministry.

Christian Friendship & Fellowship

It has been well-documented that today’s teens are struggling with loneliness and anxiety.1 The Surgeon General has even discussed this and some studies show that the number of youth who face loneliness regularly is about double the number that seniors report.2 Offering gospel- centered opportunities for youth to develop friendships with others their age is one way the church can help with this crisis.

One teenage girl told me she looks forward to attending our youth ministry every week because she has no Christian friends at her public school. She needs the encouragement of Christian friends to help her grow in her personal walk with Jesus and to continue to be a strong light for Christ in her school. Her closest friends are believers partly because of opportunities for fellowship in our youth ministry. Homeschoolers have often told me that they look forward to youth group every week because it is a safe place for them to grow without always having their parents with them. No matter what their schooling or home situation is like, youth ministry can be a place for teens to know that they are not alone in the world, either as a person or as a Jesus-follower.

Evangelism

Matt might have believed in Jesus and been baptized simply by attending our church. Since he attended both, our church and our youth ministry complemented each other in his spiritual journey and his eventual belief in Christ. But he was not comfortable meeting with our pastor like he was discussing faith or reading the Gospel of John with me. The fact that our church had a youth ministry and that it supported me in leading the youth ministry gave Matt an opportunity for one-on-one evangelism and later discipleship that he would not have had otherwise.

An unbelieving friend might be willing to come to youth group or a youth ministry event when they might not be ready to come to church yet. In time, as they learn more about Jesus through the youth ministry, I have seen teens eventually come to church regularly.

I still believe in youth ministry because so many teens in our culture only know the name of Jesus as a swear word. Just the other day, a public-school history teacher was telling me that in the last few decades he has seen a difference in the background knowledge that youth now have about the Bible. When he first started teaching, they had a basic knowledge of Christianity and Judaism. Now they hardly ever have any Bible background. Youth ministry is a place for teens to begin to understand the storyline of the Bible so they can begin to understand the gospel.

Teens in the Church Need to Know They Matter

Many teens over the years have told me they appreciate our youth ministry because it shows them that the church cares about them. They have shared that Bible study with other teens has helped prepare them for church involvement as adults. While they have attended some adult Bible studies—which is good and healthy—they have told me they are usually too intimidated to share much. They know that the problems and questions they face are different than other generations in the church, and they appreciate having a place to discuss them. With the foundation of the entire church worshiping and learning together on Sunday morning, I have been happy to be able to provide that safe place for teens to grow and learn.

Sometimes people ask me why we have a youth ministry, since Scripture doesn’t require it. But the same could be said for why many churches have a seniors ministry. Just as older believers enjoy the fellowship they share with other people in their age range who are experiencing many of the same problems and joys, so do youth. I am not an advocate of separating generations for every church event. For example, I have seen great benefits in having even middle schoolers come to our Men’s Bible Study (Men’s and Women’s Ministries are another choice the Bible allows but does not require). Yet, that doesn’t mean there is no benefit in also giving opportunities for youth or others to fellowship and learn by age.

Today’s teens and families have a lot on their plates. There are lots of opportunities. But since I want my teens and the teens in my church to be life-long followers of Jesus, I want to put them in front of God’s Word and provide Christian fellowship as much as I can. I still believe in youth ministry.

* For privacy, his name has been changed.

  1. https://www.rootedministry.com/loneliness-and-gen-z-hungering-for-true-community/
  2. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/05/01/loneliness-poor-health-reported-far-more-among-young-people-than-even-those-over-72/559961002/
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The Transforming Power of Hopeful Love in Marriage

Note from Tim: This article originally appeared in the July 2023 edition of Lifeway’s HomeLife magazine under the title, “Love That Hopes: It May Be as Simple as Keeping Your Wedding Vows.”

Photo by Geoffroy Hauwen on Unsplash

Seminary was hard for me. I worked full-time and didn’t sleep enough, given the graduate studies and babies at home. Although I excelled in some classes, the distractions of work and exhaustion of the pace of life for that season made subjects that were more difficult for me, like Hebrew, even harder. But the hardest homework I ever had was in one of my last classes, The Pastor’s Home.

I had to rate myself and my wife on a scale of 1-10 for each of the attributes of true love listed in 1 Corinthians 13. The idea was to put my name in place of the word “love,” and then my wife’s name: Tim is patient. Tim is kind. Tim bears all things. Tim hopes all things.

My wife, Melanie, had to rate me as well. She was gracious but honest in her ratings for that homework assignment. The one that hurt the most was a low rating on: Tim hopes all things.

My absence and rough edges had stacked up during those four and a half years of grinding through school.

My professor explained to us that in this category, he wanted us to rate each other on whether our spouse looked for the best in us and looked for what God was doing in our life. I was shocked at the low rating, but at that point in our marital growth, I learned to listen more when my wife shared openly. It was homework that hurt but helped. I needed to hear that I had too often been harsh and impatient as she grew into being a stay-at-home mom while I was selling cell phones and parsing Greek verbs.

Hopeful Love

Looking back at some of my words and attitudes during that season, I feel sick about them. God clearly showed me through that painful and helpful homework that I needed to grow in “hoping all things” and reflecting the patient love of Christ better to my wife. She had been so patient with me. Even more, Jesus had been patient with me. I needed to be more loving towards her by “hoping all things.” How often would your husband or wife say that your love for him or her “hopes all things” as true love does, based on 1 Corinthians 13:7? What we need in our marriages is the hopeful love of Jesus.

The essence of hopeful love is that God isn’t done with us yet. This requires faith. It’s essentially the same faith that believes God’s promises of the gospel for yourself. In a love that hopes, you’re simply bending the promises of the gospel out onto your spouse, finding hope in the fact that the same Holy Spirit at work in your life is at work in his or her life as well. Jesus has promised he will continue the work he has begun in you—and in your spouse. This means there is always a reason for hope in marriage. Hopeful love isn’t only a manufacturer of hope, it is also an engine of change. Hopeful love can change the trajectory of your marriage.

When Jesus looks at you, He sees you as already sanctified (made holy). When Jesus looks at your believing spouse, He sees him or her as already sanctified. This hope is anchored in the power and promise of the gospel. The apostle Paul writes to believers, “You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:11). Paul was writing to upstanding model Christians who had never had marriage problems, right? Wrong—he was writing to the Corinthian church. They were a mess. They were far from maturity in Christ. At the beginning of the same chapter, he was addressing how some of them were suing each other. The church needed to apply the gospel to the current mess and the messy past.

Before coming to know Christ, some of them had been sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, people living in homosexuality, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, revilers, and swindlers (see 1 Cor. 6:9-10). Talk about baggage brought into a marriage! But in Christ, he doesn’t say they will be forgiven and changed someday. He declares on the blood of Jesus, “And such were some of you!” (1 Cor. 6:11a). 

Every married couple needs hope. They need to know that Jesus doesn’t only see us as made holy in the future. With the ultimate eyes of faith, our Savior sees us as sanctified today because of the radical spiritual reality of the gospel: “…But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:11b).

Radical Grace

Part of what God calls us to as husbands and wives is to see our spouses with the eyes of Christ; not for who they are in their sin, but for who they are with their new identity in Christ and for who God is making them to be.

In fact, Jesus sees your spouse not only as already sanctified, but also as already glorified—in his or her glorious, perfect state in heaven (Rom. 8:30)! If this sounds too good to be true for a spouse who sometimes says thoughtless things, then you’re starting to understand the gospel. It is radical grace. Growing as a Christian means seeing your spouse like Jesus does: Riddled with shortcomings (as you are too), but with the potential to live more like Jesus in the days to come and with the promise of being perfect one day in heaven. 

Growing as a Christian means seeing your spouse like Jesus does.

If you’re married to an unbeliever, God has called you to trust that He is at work in your spouse’s life, and part of that work is being married to you. The Holy Spirit powerfully reminds you: “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Cor. 7:16) Continue to pray for your unbelieving spouse and continue to love your spouse like Jesus, day by day. Although the promises of the gospel–including Jesus seeing your spouse as already sanctified–don’t apply until your spouse bows his or her heart to Jesus as Lord and Savior, you still honor God and can know that you’re doing all you can to improve your marriage when you pour out the grace of Jesus. When you look for evidence of growth that affects your marriage positively, you’re reflecting the love of Jesus.

Do you see the good things that God is doing in your spouse? Do you see and appreciate or mention the best in him or her now? Write down a few things you’ve noticed recently that God is doing in your spouse’s life and make a plan to tell him or her. It could be a direct way for you to point to the reality of Christ’s active work and to express hopeful love.

Transforming Love

After that difficult homework assignment, I made it my goal to grow specifically in “hopeful love.” I tried to find ways to help my wife to shine. I made sure we had time for her to have opportunities to serve at church that were life-giving for her. I gifted her with an art class because I knew that she is artistic but rarely has an opportunity to enjoy making art. I prayed more specifically for her growth rather than brooding. I tried to always remember that Jesus is patient with me, and Melanie is patient with me—so I need to do the same. Over the years, hopeful love has done its transforming work. Melanie has told me that she now feels (most of the time) that I see the best in her. And the reality is, as this has become a habit, I do.             

Hopeful love has transformed our marriage. We’re now both more patient with each other. And yet, it’s not a patience that is always longing for change, in the sense of, “I will be happy once my spouse acts this way.” Rather, it is a sense of patience that says, “I love you just the way you are. And yet, I also delight in how God is changing you. I can’t believe that out of the billions of people in the world, He gave me the privilege of having a front-row seat to His work in your life.”

Hopeful love not only transforms marriage, but it also makes it sweet.

For further reflection. Showing the hopeful love of Jesus to your spouse means:

·       You can be hopeful with conflict: You can believe that you won’t always fight often.
·       You can be hopeful with communication: You can learn to communicate in healthier, more godly patterns. 
·       You can be hopeful with finances: You can work together better and grow in managing and spending your finances. 
·       You can be hopeful with sex: You can still grow and learn together. 
·       You can be hopeful with parenting: As you make an effort to grow in godly parenting, God can use that desire to have an impact on your husband or wife and ultimately on your kids. 
·       You can be hopeful even in sickness: God can heal and God can carry. 
 
In short, hopeful love means that you can keep your vows: “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…” The very act of making wedding vows is an act of hopeful love. Keeping those vows means continuing that hopeful love, day after day.
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Your Faithfulness Affects Us All: A Plea to Empty Nesters to Continue to Pursue Their Marriages

Note from Tim: This article originally appeared in the May 2023 edition of Lifeway’s “Mature Living” Magazine.

Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

“Do you have a few minutes to talk during my break?” the twenty-something barista asked me as I took my cup of coffee from him in one hand, balancing commentaries and my laptop in the other hand. I could see strain on his face. I had first met him just a few months earlier. We worshiped at different churches in different communities, but he knew I was a pastor and I could see he needed to talk.

Thirty minutes later, he sat across from me in the coffee shop and poured out his broken heart to me: his dad had just announced his unfaithfulness and that he was pursuing a divorce. This hit my new friend hard. He had only been married a couple of years, and he had always looked up to his dad; his parents had led him to the Lord.

A couple of days later, I sat in a church member’s home during our small group. When it came time to share prayer requests, he asked for prayer for his parents. His mom had just announced she had a boyfriend and was pursuing a divorce. This set of parents was in their early sixties. He was shocked and saddened.

What this pair of circumstances days apart showed me yet again is that unfaithfulness—or faithfulness—in marriage affects those around us in profound ways. My friends, both married men who had been out of the home for years, were nonetheless deeply affected by their parents’ marital drift. The majority of my marriage counseling is with empty nester and retired couples, a common trend. The problems that are often swept under the rug while the kids are at home have a nasty way of coming back with a vengeance after the kids have left the home. The call to pursue your husband or wife is just as crucial three or five decades into marriage as it is in the first couple of decades of your covenant. Here are three ways to pursue faithfulness in marriage during your empty nest years.

Remember you are leaving a legacy. Your marriage is not just for you. Your choices in your marriage today affect your grown children, your grandchildren, and generations you will never meet. Investing in your marriage today could give hope to the future marriage of your grandchildren who are now in elementary school. My grandparent’s 64 years of marriage still encourages me today.

Remember that your faithfulness honors Jesus. Unfaithfulness in your marriage may affect us all, but so does faithfulness. Your faithfulness in the later decades of marriage remind us that Jesus still redeems, and that Jesus still empowers. Pursuing your spouse in your several-decades-old marriage reminds us that Jesus has an enduring love also, because the covenant of marriage was designed by God to point to the New Covenant love of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33). 

Remember God’s promises of hope and joy. During Isaiah’s time, Israel struggled to believe that God would be with them to the end. Could the same God who had saved in the past break through the circumstances of today? This consolation from the living God still rings true: “Listen to me . . . all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been sustained from the womb . . . I will be the same until your old age, and I will bear you up when you turn gray. I have made you, and I will carry you; I will bear and rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:3-4) 

God created your marriage covenant all of those decades ago. He was with you when you said, “I do,” and he promises to carry you until death do you part. But he doesn’t just promise to help his people grin and bear it; he is also the God who can bring hope and joy. He loves to bring renewal. He resurrects marriages just as he resurrected Lazarus.

It could be that the golden years of your retirement are the golden years of your marriage. With Jesus, all things are possible. Brothers and sisters, your unfaithfulness affects us all. But your faithfulness also affects us for good, more than you will ever know.

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The Secret to Loving Your Wife Better: Love Jesus Better

Note from Tim: This article originally was published at Focus on the Family’s “The Focused Pastor” ministry. The content applies to non-pastor husbands as well!

This post was also featured in Tim Challies’ A La Carte.

I recently heard somebody say that one of the ways to endure well in ministry is to realize that ministry is not about you. It’s all about Jesus. The same is true of marriage. When you embrace that marriage is about Jesus first and you and your wife second, one of the secrets of a joyful, enduring marriage comes to light: love Jesus better, and you will love your wife better.

As pastors, it seems we should know this instinctively. Our calling is directly tied to helping others know Jesus better. But we are no different than our church members. We must constantly remind ourselves that marriage is about Jesus first and works best when we love Jesus first.

As I have studied what the Bible says about marriage – both for my growth and for those I shepherd – I have become convinced that Christ’s relationship with the church is the controlling metaphor that God has given us to help us understand marriage. A controlling metaphor is a word picture that explains something for an entire work of literature. At the beginning of the Bible, when God created marriage in the Garden of Eden, He initiated a human covenant relationship that He knew would reflect the relationship between His Son and His people. Even so many years before Jesus, even in the Garden, God pointed ahead to his Son.

The Marriage Supper of the Lamb

At the end of the Bible, when God plans a celebration feast for the consummation of the ages, he describes it using what term? The marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7, 9)! When we love our wives like Christ loves the church, we play our part in a story that has been told since the beginning of time, a story that all creation will continue to celebrate at the end of time as we step into the beginning of forever.

Paul points this out in Ephesians 5:31-32, when he quotes Genesis 2:24, and then explains there are depths to marriage we can only begin to understand on this side of eternity: 

“‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” 

Marriage refers to Christ and the church. God embedded marriage in culture as a quiet pointer to the gospel. So, when we love our wives well, we point to Jesus. But also, when we love Jesus well, we love our wives better.

Closer to Jesus, Closer to My Wife

After two decades of marriage, I have noticed a pattern: when I am closer to Jesus, I am usually closer to my wife. Why is this? Paul David Tripp helpfully explains in his book, What Did You Expect?: 

“A marriage of love, unity, and understanding is not rooted in romance; it is rooted in worship…No marriage will be unaffected when the people in the marriage are seeking to get from the creation what they were only ever meant to get from the Creator.”

This applies to pastors as much as anyone else. Yet, there are certain dangers inherent in our vocation. We may think that because we serve Jesus daily as part of our job, we are naturally close to Him. But one test of a man’s walk with Christ is how he treats his wife. This is not to say that if we are close to Jesus, we will always be close to our wives. The fact that you are a sinner married to a sinner in a world groaning under the curse means your marriage will have ups and downs. But making your relationship with Christ a priority is the start of finding the freedom and power to love your wife humbly and selflessly as Jesus loves us, no matter what is going on in your relationship or ministry. 

Order Your Love Rightly

When you remember that Jesus is your first love (see Revelation 2:4-5), his love naturally overflows out of your life and into your wife. It’s not that loving Jesus and loving your wife are commands from God that are at odds with each other, it is that we can only love others rightly when we order our love rightly. 

Jesus explained how loving God results in loving others: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39) Your wife is your closest neighbor, so Jesus’ words remind us of our priorities as shepherds of God’s people: love Jesus, love your wife, love your kids, and love others, including your church family and community.

Fellow pastors and ministry leaders, don’t forget that there is one time the Bible commands you to get drunk: “…Be intoxicated always in her love” (Proverbs 5:19). God wants you to be drunk with love for your wife. This is best for you, her, your kids, and your church, and it glorifies God. Pursue her simply for the joy of pursuing her and because you love her. But don’t forget that you will love your wife better when you love Jesus. Root your pursuit of her in the fact that Christ has pursued you. Embracing this secret can be the secret to embracing a joy-filled marriage.

Rekindle your love for Jesus, and be in tune with his heart for reflecting the gospel in your marriage. Then your marriage will be like a fire that keeps you both warm and gives light to others.

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Family Devotions Are Not New

John Newton, one of my heroes of the faith, wrote the hymn Amazing Grace in 1779.  He also wrote many personal letters that we can learn from, including one answering a question about “Family Worship.”  Family Devotions, time set aside as a family to read the Bible and pray together (and sometimes maybe even sing), is nothing new because the call to raise our families in the Lord is not new.family devotions

Parents were seen as the primary disciplers of their children before Deuteronomy 6:7 was given to the people of Israel, and before the Apostle Paul instructed parents to raise their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” in Ephesians 6:4.  Newton explains:

I am afraid I shall not answer your expectations with regard to the particulars of your inquiry, concerning the most proper method of conducting family worship. The circumstances of families are so various, that no determinate rules can be laid down: nor has the word of God prescribed any; because, being of universal obligation, it is wisely and graciously accommodated to suit the different situations of his people. You must, therefore, as to circumstantials, judge for yourself. You will do well to pursue such a method as you shall find most convenient to yourself and family, without scrupulously binding yourself, when the Scripture has left you free…

…He requires us to acknowledge him in our families, for our own sakes; not because he has need of our poor services, but because we have need of his blessing, and without the influence of his grace (which is promised to all who seek it) are sure to be unhappy in ourselves…

…For it being every believer’s duty to worship God in his family, his promise may be depended upon, to give them a sufficiency in all things, for those services which he requires of them.

Happy is that family where the worship of God is constantly and conscientiously maintained. Such houses are temples in which the Lord dwells, and castles garrisoned by a Divine power. I do not say, that, by honouring God in your house, you will wholly escape a share in the trials incident to the present uncertain state of things. A measure of such trials will be necessary for the exercise and manifestation of your graces, to give you a more convincing proof of the truth and sweetness of the promises made to a time of affliction, to mortify the body of sin, and to wean you more effectually from the world. But this I will confidently say, that the Lord will both honour and comfort those who thus honour him.

I especially appreciate how Newton points out that no matter how inadequate you feel to lead Family Devotions, God has already given you what you need.  Also, there is no one set method–and it will change in your own family over time.  But the basics of being reminded of something from the Bible together as a family in your home, and praying together, is timeless.  If you don’t already have a pattern, why don’t you start with one night a week after dinner–tonight!

Source: Newton, J., Richard Cecil. (1824). The works of the Rev. John Newton (Vol. 1, p. 153). London: Hamilton, Adams & Co.

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One of Many Reasons I Love Family Ministry

deut 6“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7

Deuteronomy 6 is one of many passages (Psalm 78:1-10, Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4, etc.) that lays out clearly that parents are to be the primary faith-trainers in their children’s lives.  Yet, as Timothy Paul Jones explains in Family Ministry Field Guide, although most Christian parents know they have a responsibility for their children’s souls beyond getting them to church, it too often does not happen:

…The overwhelming majority of Christian parents are not actively engaged in any sort of battle for their children’s souls.  When it comes to the process of discipling their progeny, most Christian parents–especially fathers–have abandoned the field.

If you as a parent are personally engaged in a process to transform the countours of your child’s soul, you are a minority.

However, I envision a time when Christian parents consistently engage in planned discipleship processes with their children.  I eagerly anticipate an era when children regularly experience family worship times and spontaneous spiritual conversations. (25)

I do too.  I long to see more and more parents actively engage in planned “faith talks” or Bible reading and prayer with their kids.  I pray for parents to see that their lives 6 days a week speak louder than a sermon and Sunday School 1 day a week.  I am constantly looking for ways that we as a church can partner with and equip parents to fulfill Deuteronomy 6 better.  We are in this together.  This is one reason I love Family Ministry.

I am grateful to be at the D6 Family Ministry Conference this week, learning from leaders like Dr. Timothy Paul Jones.  Yet, as he reminded us today, Family Ministry is not ultimately about a program or plan.  As anything in the church should be, it is about Christ.

Israel failed at following Deuteronomy 6–look at the book of Judges!  We will fail too at impressing these things on our children if we try to do it in our own power.  We need the good news of the Gospel.  Deuteronomy 6 is meant to ultimately point families to Jesus, the only One who perfectly impresses the truth of God on hearts.

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What Is the Place of Bible Study in a Youth Ministry?

One of the things that I enjoy most in life is sitting down with a group of high schoolers on Sunday nights and teaching them God’s Word in a way that is faithful to the meaning while helping them apply it to their lives.  We are currently studying the book of Philippians, and I love the challenge of studying the meaning of the text, seeing the universal principles in it that God is teaching, and then helping teenagers apply it.  We have a small group time after our time of Bible study, and I get energized hearing them wrestle with how what they have heard applies on the baseball field, in their high school hallway the next morning, or in their relationship with their parents when they get home.

Brian Cosby has written a helpful book, Giving Up Gimmicks: Reclaiming Youth Ministry fron an Entertainment Culture that reminds us of the importance of having Bibgiving up gimmicksle-saturated, Gospel-centered Youth Ministry that takes the Bible seriously.  Cosby writes:

Doctrine should never be separated from worship and the “so what?” question.  Doctrine should inform students why they should do well in school, and how they can fight the temptation to gossip about another teen…indeed, the truths of God’s Word should be the lens through which they view all of life–from homework to movies, from dating to parents. — pp. 99-100

I can’t imagine having an opportunity for teens to regularly gather together and not encouraging them to believe the gospel and live the gospel through taking time to teach God’s Word.  Youth Ministries are never more fulfilling their mission than when they support Christian parents by supplementing what their teens are already being taught at home, while also reaching out to those who come from unbelieving homes by consistently, passionately teaching what it means to know and follow Jesus from the Bible.  Anything less is subliminally teaching them that it’s OK to build their lives on sinking sand (Matt. 7:24-27)!

Often when the importance of the Word of God in Youth Ministry is brought up, there is a concern about the place of games.  I heartily believe that both have a place in Youth Ministry.  In our context, our Middle Schoolers and High Schoolers enjoy free time over ping pong, pool, and foosball before we begin each Sunday night, and an organized game after worship in singing, Bible Study, and small groups (including prayer).  In fact, I have told our Children’s Ministry workers, “You must have fun if you work with children,” and the same goes for Youth Ministry.  Teenagers love to have fun together, which is part of fellowship for them.  But there does not need to be a dichotomy between having fun together and taking the Bible seriously!

Peter confessed to Christ, “You have the words of eternal life…” (John 6:68)  In order to have a Family Ministry that has an eternal impact, we need to study those words of eternal life together regularly.  Twelve year olds and eighteen year olds need this Word just as much as everyone else.

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Christian Parenting Reminders from Jason Helopolous

I needed to read this today and I hope that it is an encouragement in your parenting as well.  Click here for the entire excellent blog post from Jason Helopolous at the Gospel Coalition.

* * *
Some of my greatest joys in life stem from being a parent to two delightful children. However, some of my greatest struggles in life also stem from being a parent to these same two children. There are days that I cannot imagine anything more rewarding and other days that I want to get into the fetal position and remain there for a week. Here are a few reminders for me and all the other Christian parents out there:

Affection and Love: We can never show our children too much love. I have yet to meet the adult who tells me, “My parents just showed me too much love!” But sadly, I have often heard the reverse. Shower your children with affection. May they know our warm embraces and messy kisses!

Have the Right Goal in View: As Christian parents, our goal in raising our children is not primarily to prepare them for going out into the world as fully functioning adults. Our goal, as Christian parents, is to prepare our children for eternity! This should shape all that we do in our homes.

Focus on My Responsibility: But having said that, we can’t “force” our children to be faithful, less sinful, or more righteous. That isn’t our responsibility. Our responsibility is to be faithful in our own charge as parents. In that regard, I can surely hinder or help their sensitivity to Christ, growth in sanctification, understanding of grace, and maturing in character, but I can’t guarantee it, secure it, or determine it. Let’s be faithful in what we do have responsibility for and spend less energy trying to control that which we don’t have responsibility for.

Keep Your Eyes Forward: We can be prone to look over our shoulders. What will OUR parents think? What will others at church think? What will my pastor think? Our children are disobedient and we find ourselves cringing inside and looking to see if anyone else was watching. And when we see others looking on, immediate concern grips our minds. Will they think my children are disobedient or bad? Will they think I am a terrible parent? Stop! We aren’t parenting for others’ approval. We are parenting for the good of our children to the glory of God. Let’s keep our eyes looking forward and heavenward for the good of our children and the glory of God.

Don’t Get Too High nor Too Low: Children change, so let’s not get too high or too low by what we see in our child’s character, actions, or soul in any given day or during any given period. Let’s rejoice some. Let’s mourn some. But let’s do so with restraint.

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Run the Right Direction: God knows a thing or two about wayward children, so let’s seek Him who has an understanding ear. What grace we need in parenting and what grace is given in Christ. May we run to Him with our frustrations, struggles, trials, and failures. He should be our first counselor and comforter.

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Christianity not Morality: Morals are good, but not in and of themselves. Let’s teach our children and pray for a morality that flows from a heart changed by God’s grace. For many of us, our default is to slip into morality parenting, rather than Christian parenting. The former is focused solely upon outward behavior, the latter is focused upon inward change which will manifest fruit  in moral outward behavior.

Lastly and Most Importantly, Count the Blessings: Let’s thank God everyday for our children. Even on those hard days, find the blessings amidst the chaos! Count every blessing that comes as a parent. Let it fill us with wonder that the Lord of the Universe has given us the privilege of having these little souls under our care. What a blessing. Thinking on that may even help us get out of that fetal position.

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[HT: Jason Helopolous]

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Six Philosophical Pillars of a God-Honoring Children’s Ministry

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1) God’s Love for Children (Luke 18:15-17)
God has a soft spot for children as seen in Jesus’ counter-cultural attention to children.  As I have looked at every verse I can find in the Bible about children, it is clear that God speaks unequivocally positive about children.  If you are involved in Children’s Ministry, you are involved in a ministry that is close to the heart of God!

2) The Priority of Parents (Deut. 6:4-8, 11:18-20, Eph. 6:4, Ps. 78:5-7)
As I looked at every verse in the Bible I could find about children, what was even more clear than God’s love for children was the sheer quantity of verses that call parents to raise their children to know and love God.  The Bible speaks loud on this:  parents are called to be the primary disciplers in their children’s lives.  The church should support, encourage, and equip parents,  but never usurp their God-ordained role.  How that looks in each church context will be different, but if you are involved in Children’s Ministry, do you communicate with the parents in a way that recognizes them as the primary disciplers?

3) The Centrality of the Gospel (recognizing children’s spiritual potential before God; Ps. 8:1-2, Matt. 21:14-16, 2 Tim. 3:15-17)
Children’s Ministry is a ministry of evangelism!  Teaching children is probably the greatest evangelistic opportunity in any church in terms of the quantity of people within a ministry that are unsaved.  Don’t assume that all of the kids are saved, even if most of them come from Christian homes and have been coming to church for years.  Constantly press the truth of the Gospel and their need for Christ upon their hearts and minds.  For those who don’t come from Christian homes, hearing the Gospel from you may be the only time they ever do.

4) A Bible Focus (Is. 48:11, 2 Tim. 3:16)
We have an amazing opportunity in Children’s Ministry to teach children God’s Word.  I love talking to my son about Sunday School, seeing that things my wife and I have taught him are being reinforced or expanded.  I love seeing children from the community hear the Bible for the first time.

In every lesson that you teach, ask yourself if two things are present:  Is the character of God taught correctly?  Is the Gospel presented or is it tied in?  The main character of the Bible is God!  If they’re in awe of God (who God is and what He does as taught in the Bible), they will want to know Him (the Gospel).

5) Servanthood (Mark 10:42-45)
We should have a radiant attitude of servanthood in Children’s Ministry as we serve families, interacting with kids and encouraging parents.  Both children and parents will pick up on this Christ-like attitude.  In most churches, there is probably no greater chance to serve the church in the number of opportunities available than in Children’s Ministry.

6) A Kid-Appropriate Manner (1 Thess. 5:14, Phil. 2:3-8)
Jesus cared for people as individuals–He had no one system of discipleship.  God hard-wired children with imagination and a bent towards fun and energy, so if you are involved in Children’s Ministry, you must have fun!  Think of the condescension of Christ: He went from Heaven to earth; He became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14).  Certainly we can condescend to the children we teach by having fun with them, using our imagination with how we teach while still being ruthlessly Bible and Gospel-centered, and thinking hard about our word choices as we teach them.

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Mary: An Example of a Teenager Who Loves God

picture 13We often think of Mary as a mature woman, especially when you read her “Magnificat” or “Song of Praise” in Luke 2:46-55.  However, Jewish traditions at the time of Jesus’ birth point to the fact that Mary was probably about 14 years old when she was told by the angel Gabriel that she would give birth to the Savior of the world.

In an age in which not much is expected even out of Christian teenagers, Mary is a wonderful reminder that Middle Schoolers and High Schoolers are capable of a deep relationship with God.  If you are a teenager, I pray that this will be a reminder to you to “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12)  If you are a parent or grandparent, remember that much of Mary’s love for and knowledge of God was taught to her in the home, which was the Jewish (Deut. 6:4-9) and is the Christian (Eph. 6:4) God-ordained place of every day discipleship.

As a teenager, Mary put God’s desires for her life above her own desires (Luke 1:26-38).  Being surprised one day by the angel Gabriel and being told that she would be pregnant with the Messiah was not in Mary’s plan for her life.  This was unimaginably “inconvenient.”  Rather than complaining, Mary’s response was, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)  God’s will was more important to her than her will.  She not only was submissive to God’s will, she joyfully embraced being used to bring God glory (Luke 1:46-55)!  God’s will was good news to her.

As a teenager, Mary knew God’s Word and “theology” (Luke 1:46-55).  Mary’s spontaneous Song of Praise in response to giving birth to the Messiah is dripping with Scripture references and a deep understanding of God’s plan for redemptive history.  She knew and loved both Old Testament Scripture and great truths about God.  Mary’s Bible knowledge at the age of 14 reminds us that teenagers who can ace a pre-calculus class can understand and get excited about knowing God better through His living and active Word.

As a teenager, Mary knew she needed God’s grace in Christ (Luke 1:47, 1:50).  I don’t put Mary out as an example to make you simply feel bad as a teenager or as a parent.  Mary is a stunning example of a teenager who loves God, but she also knew she was a sinner who needed God to save her.  “…My spirit rejoices in God my Savior…”  The long-awaited Messiah that she now knew she would raise from infancy would show her and other believers God’s grace (Luke 1:54-55).  Mary spoke of the same grace that is offered to you today, if you will turn to Jesus and say, “I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

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